Saturday, February 12, 2011


This was my post on January 27 on facebook:

Romans 8:18 "For I reckon that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us." God's glory revealed in us... hmmmm. cancer doesn't bring him glory, but our reaction and our response can bring Him glory if we keep our eyes on Him despite of how things look.

Little did I know at that time, that the sufferings that I had seen Curtis endure up to that point would increase over the next 24-48 hours in such a manner that it would literally take his life.  But now I can truly say that God's glory was revealed in Curtis. In every manner of speaking... Even in the midst of his final day, Curtis was full of peace, in spite of the pain, in spite of the confusion that was clouding his thinking.  God's glory was being revealed... the love Curtis had for us was still so evident.

I was typing up a summary this morning that goes into more detail about the medical side of it and thought I would go ahead and share it with you.  If it sounds "medical" and "factual" it is because it is easier for me to share from a medical point of view.  The pain and suffering that my dear husband endured is very hard to express in words. Those who were closest to him saw glimpses, but my kids and myself saw his every day suffering, his every day pain. His undying faith- fully trusting the Father, that whether he was healed in this earthly body or healed in his heavenly body - Curtis' faith and trust that his Daddy God would take care of him.

Here is the summary. It is painful to read, but you cannot imagine how painful it was to be by his side through this.

It is hard to talk about it, but i am finding that it helps out.  If you get a chance, go back and read my older posts back from January and it will give you more of an idea of how things progressed.  

It seems like it was October, that they found out that the cancer had spread to Curtis brain, his liver, and the other lung. Then shortly after that, he had a bone scan and we found that it had spread to his hip bone and shoulder bone.  He went through a total of 20 rounds of radiation, and also went through a second experimental treatment.  by the end of the year, he was in excruciating pain in his back and hip.  We found that he had a compression fracture in one of his vertebrae that was caused by the cancer.  He talked with our pastor in early December and our pastor asked if he had a bucket list, things he wanted to do, as Curtis had talked to him and him only to tell him that he didn't think he would make it through this. that is when our pastor found out that we really had never taken the kids on a real vacation. So he started fundraising and within 2 weeks, had over $5000!

They flew us nonstop to Orlando on Jan3, and Curtis rode around in an electric wheelchair in the parks.  It was very difficult for him, and as soon as we would get home, he would crash and sleep the rest of the evening.  By this time, they had increased the steroids because of the swelling and bleeding in the tumors on his brain.  When we got home, he began to have mini-seizures when he would stand up.  He managed to get out a little, going to dr appointments and stuff, but every day became worse. The lethargy, the pain, then  during the last week, he became confused every time after trying to stand up. We knew that the swelling had increased on his brain. We called in hospice on the Tuesday before he passed, and they brought out a wheelchair, walker, stuff that would help him.  At this point, he was sleeping all day and all night, except to get up to go to the bathroom and showering.  Thursday 1-27, the seizures became much worse (not a jerking and shaking seizure, but one where he would be staring blankly and could not respond) Friday 1-28, his brother and sister flew in from Maine, and in between the pain and sleeping, he was able to talk to them in short bursts. (this was the first time he had seen them in years) we had to give him some adivan because he was having trouble breathing in the afternoon. That relaxed him enough to where he was joking with his family.  But then after they left, my mom was still here, and he began having an extremely hard time breathing and his heart rate was up really high.

I called his oncologist and he was on call, told him i was having the ambulance bring him in, but Curtis was so unstable that they had to bring him to the local hospital rather than Charlotte. At the ER, they could not get him stable, so around 1:30-2:00 am he began seizing again (through all this time at the ER, he was incoherent and very confused, could not really talk to us, other than to tell us he wanted out and wanted all the equipment taken off him)  The drs told me if I didn't let them intubate him and put him on a ventilator that he would have a heart attack because his rates were so high.  I tried to get my kids there before they did that because I knew he would be sedated, but they had to proceed quickly.  After the ventilator was put in, the kids got there and they went in to see their dad. He was conscious but not communicating. But when the held his hands, he squeezed them and tears came out of his eyes. He knew they were there. I am sure...  after all his family and my family came in to tell him how much they loved him, they took him to ICU. I went home to rest for a short time, but was called back to the hospital and was told over the phone that he had gone into cardiac arrest and they had already brought him back with CPR once but his heart rate was not stable at all. They asked my permission to stop CPR... .with my kids screaming and crying, and me racing to the hospital with flashers on, tears pouring down my face, I had to give my permission for them to stop life saving measures.  We got to the hospital a few minutes later and rushed to the ICU, and was met by the chaplain who told us that Curtis had just passed away.  My family was there with me, as was Curtis sister and her husband.  

.......... ughhh.. i just can't write more right now.


  1. Renae let the tears come...let the same love and grace from your daddy God care tenderly for you. Curtis showed you the way.

  2. Again, Renae. I am so sorry you had to go through all of that. It had to be so difficult for you and your children. I pray that your hearts will heal from that pain and that God grants you all His peace.