Monday, February 14, 2011

first of many firsts without him....

Today has been an up and down kind of day.  Church was wonderful, worship was amazing, being loved on by my church family uplifting.  I took the kids to the grave site today, and that even went well. No tears, just putting a flower arrangement that we made on the grave, along with Valentine's Day balloons.  Looking at markers to get an idea of what we may want for Curt's grave. My mom and step dad went with us, so it it was alright. 

 Later in the evening, I began to feel an irritation, and then such a sadness.  I went to the store, and after that, just felt like i needed to talk to someone.  I called a good friend and met her out to talk.  By this time, i was just sobbing. I guess that I had just let it build up to where it was not being healthy so I let go. Wondering if it is because of tomorrow being Valentine's Day, or if the numbness has finally worn off, or maybe a little both. 

I know it is healthy for me to let the feelings out and to share my heart.  as hard as that is for me, I have decided that I will allow that to happen a little more.  So when the pain is too overwhelming, I will seek the Father, and a friend.  I pray that my children will understand the importance of  letting it out and that they will be able to cry and get some of this out as well. 

Thank you for going along with me on this journey. Some pretty big speed bumps along the way, but we will make it as long as we can lean on the Father's shoulder.  


1 comment:

  1. loving you so much!! The ugly cry is sometimes what the body and mind needs honey! It's ok... it's ok to need someone to hear you out, or to hand you a tissue or 100! You can't do this alone and God... God wants to be there, but He has others there for you too! Let others help and bless you just like you have helped and blessed others... and how you will keep loving and blessing on others...
    Love ya honey!!