Wow! Time has in one sense flown by the past 8 years, and in another way feels like it has been 25 years.
With the 8th anniversary today, I have gone back and read all of my blogs as well as the thoughts I shared on social media during this difficult season of my life. I have read encouraging messages from many people and the prayers they have prayed. I have revisited the pictures from the last week of Curtis' life on earth. And yes, I have shed some tears.
Looking back I can see God's hands in so many ways in my life and in the lives of my children. God has surely brought healing in little ways and sometimes in tremendous ways. I look back at myself, who I am now compared to who I was on January 29th 2011 and I see growth in my walk with God. I see healing that has taken place a little at a time.
I also see where healing is still such a vital part of what continues in my life. I have come to the conclusion that healing is never complete. As the layers of our life continue to grow, it also presents opportunities for new layers to be healed!
It is still hard for me to see myself as a widow. I guess it is easier to just see myself as a single woman. And maybe that is part of the transition. Moving from Mrs to Ms, from who I was as a wife, to who I am now as I still am trying to find me most of the time!
In the past 8 years, I celebrate that I was able to see some change in Curtis the last year of his life. I celebrate that our kids seem to be moving forward in their lives. Knowing like I said above, that healing is a continual process.
Speaking of the kids, they are grown adults now, each pursuing their own lives and careers. From sales and marketing, to being a florist, to serving in our military. God is faithful and definitely has his hand upon their lives. They are learning how to love, how to serve and who they are- unique and special!
In writing this, I really wanted to encourage every person who has lost someone in their lives. Time doesn't heal all wounds, only God can. But as time goes on, it does get a little easier, the pain more like an occasional ache. Embrace where you are in this journey. Allow yourself time to move from where you are to where you want to be.
Above all, on the days you feel you won't survive, don't be afraid to tell God your feelings and don't be afraid to tell someone you trust as well. I am living witness that you can and will move from grief to life.
Thank you all for traveling this journey with me. For those who have held me when I sobbed in anguish. For those who have called my name out to the Father. Those who have stood with me and offered support. I love each and every one of you.
If this is the first time you have read this blog, you can access the full journey by going to the archives on the full site and read it all from the beginning. I pray this blog will bless you in some way. Feel free to share.
Still standing,
Renae
