Sunday, February 20, 2011

riding the wave or not....

Lately I have been experiencing quite a few different kind of "waves".  I have had waves of sadness where all I wanted to do is just cry; I have had waves of anger, I have ridden the wave of pity and anguish. I have also experienced waves of kindness and compassion from others. Waves of loneliness, waves of memories....All kinds of waves that come and go. I have learned that these are all normal and that it is ok to ride the wave and then let it crash down on you.  But sometimes I have felt like my daughter Faith in her recent posting on her facebook page when she said sometimes you don't want the wave to crash down on you because it is harder to get up when you fall. 

I had one of those waves the other night.  I was by myself and  I began to feel all kinds of emotions all at one time. It began to build into a crescendo, climbing higher and higher.  All the emotions I mentioned above all seemed to hit me at one time. I don't really know how to explain it, except you know when you are watching surfers and they are waiting for that big wave to come, they see it coming from a long ways out then they quickly get in the water so they can catch it before it crashes.. Well, I could sense the wave getting larger and larger, I began to feel a panic and fear, so I knew this was not good.  I didn't say a long prayer or even have time to call a prayer partner.  All I did was say Jesus, I need your help now.   In an instant, when it seemed as though the wave was frozen over my head and I could feel the splash of the spray of despair, it disappeared.  It ended. The fear, the panic, it all ceased.  I felt relief. Thank you Jesus!  

Now, I know that like I said before, it is ok to ride waves when they hit me. Waves of loneliness and waves of missing my husband.  Ride the wave, let it crash down on me, feel the pain and then get up and move forward again. But when a tsunami like the one I was sensing came, I knew that it was something meant to bring harm to my life. Not just a wave of emotion, but an attack from the enemy.  It is knowing and sensing these things in the spirit that will allow me to know when to fight back and when to feel the pain.  Holy Spirit is my comfort and teacher, but He is my guide and my deliverer as well.  Jesus has given me authority in His name to stand up against the evil one and draw the line. Actually, the line was already drawn in blood by my precious Saviour.  

It is ok to feel the pain of losing a loved one, the pain of disappointment and the pain of loneliness. But when the enemy comes in like a flood, the spirit of the Lord shall lift up a standard against him. Isaiah 59:19. 
Knowing when to ride the wave or not is of utmost importance. 

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