I realize that my writings have gotten less frequent over the past few months, and hoping that will change. I think I will give you a general update today and then I will dive into some deeper areas later.
It has been 9 months since Curtis has passed away, and while at times it feels like only a few days ago, there are other times when if feels like it has been years already. Not in the sense that we are forgetting him or anything like that, it is just that the kids and I are becoming more settled. The pain of losing him is still there, but seems to have become an ache that is no longer the constant throbbing of our hearts.
Going through new experiences, facing the upcoming holidays, and getting through surgery without him by my side has been and will be difficult. God's healing power is sustaining and keeping me.
Last week, I had to have extensive surgery on my ankle. It had been hurting for over a year, but with all that I was going through with Curtis last year, I didn't get it checked out. So finally in February of this year, I went to my foot and ankle doctor and he found a bone spur in the center of my ankle joint. We tried numerous treatments and over this summer, the pain gradually became worse and was hindering my daily activities. So the dr did surgery and scraped and cleaned up the bone joint, as well as repairing a ligament and shifting my heel so that my foot would be in alignment. I have pins in my ankle right now and am total non weight bearing for 9 weeks, then will be put in a walking cast. I am out of work of course, and non weight bearing means that I am spending all day in my recliner. I have goals and projects that I want to work on during this time and I truly believe that God is going to speak to me and give me more healing in other areas while I am healing physically.
The dr is bringing alignment and restructuring my ankle which will align my walk.... Hmmmm I truly believe that at this time in my life, God is restructuring me at this time and bringing alignment into my spiritual walk with Him. There are areas that I know that I need adjusting in. Areas of my heart that have gotten used to the past pains and pressures, so therefore it still reacts as though those pains are still present. There are so many things that He is healing me in, so many different layers that need healing.
Alignment is a good thing. A bringing into order, a lining up, a state of agreement or cooperation. The proper adjustment. All these things are being done in my foot, but I can see God doing these things in my life. Adjusting me and bringing things into order. The grief and pain that I have experienced have caused me to be out of line, and that has been a normal thing. It is normal for death to throw you off course for a time and a season. When you lose a loved one, it is quite normal to even find yourself on a different path. But at some point in your healing, God begins to shift and to create a desire within you to be aligned with His purpose and plan for your life.
So as I recuperate from this surgery and heal on the outside, I know that God is continually healing and bringing adjustment to me on the inside as well.
Pray for me and the kids. I will be posting about dealing with the holidays and how we are dealing with them soon.
Thank you again for your support during this transition year.