the little things....

it has been a good day.... up till tonight.  Just sitting here thinking of little things that I miss about Curtis, and thinking about how much they meant to me.  Little things like him coming to tell me good night and kissing me before I went to bed... then how the last few weeks of his life, the role was reversed and I didn't go to bed till I made sure he was in his recliner with his CPAP mask on, or else he would fall asleep without it. Making sure he had a blanket and was comfortable.  Little things like coming home for lunch every day and sharing some of our most beneficial talking time. Talking about living and dying. Talking about healing - would it be here, or would it be in heaven.  Talking about the changes that we both had seen in each other. Lunch time won't be the same now. 

I miss the little things like how the house smelled when he was fixing his famous spaghetti sauce, or his roast and potatoes.  how now, I find it hard to get back into cooking on a regular basis. Missing hearing him snore in his recliner while we were watching tv.  The little things like how he was so meticulous about so many things.  from how he outlined in his bible to how his drawers were organized.  And wondering what he would say if he could see how cluttered his desk is now. reaching for the phone to call your number then realizing that I no longer would need to call to let you know i was on my way home.  then calling anyway just to hear your voice when it was strong and there was no disease in your body.  Missing the way that you smelled when you wore Tommy cologne :) and still spraying it in your closet to feel near you. 

I am not trying to depress you at all, just was thinking of all these things, and it really does help to write them out. If for no one else, for me.  I know that I will have these times of missing the little things, and I know that it is normal. These things will be remembered and cherished for many years to come.  I also know that in the middle of all the remembering, that I must still practice peace. it is a balancing act for sure.  Falling apart, but not totally. Knowing that I can depend on our heavenly Father to bring me through the hard times. the good times and the cherished times.  

Find those little things about those who are closest to you. pay attention to them. cherish them and hold them close to your heart.  It truly is the little things that matter the most. 

Renae