Sunday, March 20, 2011

my hero...

I want to share a little about my hero. Of course you know it is Curtis, but I want to share with you why.  Please know first of all, that I am sharing bits of pieces of Curtis' life so you will get a glimpse of where he was and how far he came.  I am NOT sharing these things with you to color your view of my husband, but I know that he had began writing his testimony and wanted others to know just how far that he had came. 

Hero is defined as one with distinguished courage or ability.  To me, Curtis fits that role. Let me explain.  For many years, Curtis battled insecurities about who he was, or in his eyes- who he was not. He fought things such as anger and rage, and lost many battles with that. He was locked into a cycle of resentment, bitterness, and bondage that resulted in him loosing his temper and being very verbally abusive at home. He was definitely a called man of God, and because of his revelation knowledge of the Word of God was able to articulate his knowledge very well to others.  In the public view, he was really headed somewhere in ministry work. But people had no idea of what he battled in private. At home, we were always walking on egg shells, and wondering when he the vicious cycle would ever end. It went like this: Curtis would become upset about something, yell and scream and be verbally abusive, then condemnation would set in, then isolation. The isolation could last anywhere from a couple of hours to up to a week.  Then finally he would gain victory through much prayer and things would be good for a while. This cycle continued to batter him for most of his Christian walk. But Curtis never lost sight that he desired freedom. He would pray his prayer sheets over and over, and declare God's word over his life.  He did not like being the way he was and wanted to change, but really did not know how to. 

When his health started failing in 2006, beginning with a mild heart attack while we lived in Florida, then after moving back to NC a few months later, and being diagnosed with melanoma - from a mole on his shoulder. The surgery following that, along with the declaration that he was free from cancer;  then the discovery of diabetes and painful neuropathy, and severe sleep apnea. These things began to collapse upon him and he was forced to be at home by himself because he could not work. With this time on his hands, he begin to seek help on a deeper level.  He began seeing a Christian therapist, and began to bare his heart to his spiritual mentor.  Over the period of the last two years, Curtis began to see the change that he had longed for - for so many years. He became much gentler, he had a much kinder view on life, and even when diagnosed last June with malignant melanoma, he continued to allow God to change him from the inside out. These past two years have been filled with the miracle of an inner healing that was amazing to behold. 

My children and I begin to change as well. We went from being uptight and ready to leave - to falling madly and deeply in love with this man who had changed so much.  What a miraculous thing that happened!!  Even with the diagnosis and the quick spreading of the cancer, it did not move Curtis off of this path of inner healing. Up to the very end, he constantly loved on us and reminded us every day how important we were in his life. He told me things that he had never shared with me before, and told me what a vital part I had played in his healing.  Oh my heart just overflows even now, thinking of this great miracle he experienced. 

You may say, but wait, he wasn't healed of cancer, so how could this have been such a miraculous thing?  Oh my dear friends, had you walked in our shoes, you would have known and realized that when a person is changed on the inside that really and truly the outside is just not as important.  Now don't get me wrong. I am not saying that I didn't want to see him healed on the outside. I so desperately wanted him to be here for us, so indescribably wanted to grow old with him and to be by his side till we were old and wrinkled. My heart aches for his hugs and sometimes the pain of him not being with us here in person is worse than having a searing hot knife stabbed in my heart. So YES!!! a million YES's! I would have loved to have him healed and still with us in person.  But had it meant that he would have stayed the way he was, in bondage to anger and rage, and a host of other chains that kept him in his own personal prison, he is far better off now, walking with the Father, and experiencing a pain free life and being totally and completely free. I believe that Curtis caught a taste of heaven when discovering his freedom and that little glimpse of heaven carried him into His Saviour's arms in the wee hours of the morning on January 29, 2011.  

So yes, according to the definition of a hero. Curtis James Forbes is my hero. It took extraordinary courage to take a stand against the chains that held him bound and to break free and be the man he always longed to be.  Don't  remember him with disdain for who he was, but rather remember the hero that he became. 

Thank you for reading, i know this was long. 


  1. This is awesome! :)
    I love you Mommy! ♥

  2. Renae...
    Your honesty and openess in this blog will surely touch many lives. God bless you swett lady!