Friday, March 25, 2011

Lively stones....diamond in the rough

1 Peter 2:5
"You also, like living stones, are being built into a spiritual house to be a holy priesthood, offering spiritual sacrifices acceptable to God through Jesus Christ"

A friend shared this scripture with me this week after she read my last blog, My Hero.  When she shared this with me, immediately I remembered a dream that I had concerning Curtis in 2004.  We had moved to Florida in obedience to the Father, but we were struggling in our marriage. It seemed as though everything was an argument and my walls were thick as the wall of China.  I felt that Curtis and I were never going to be free of the vicious cycle that we were in.  I thought seriously about leaving and coming back to NC and leaving him there.  Just being honest with you.  I felt like I was a walking zombie.  One night I had a dream. God showed me a piece of coal. But then he cracked open the coal and showed me a diamond inside.  He said, "this is Curtis.  He has many rough edges on him, but I want to smooth the rough edges and put him on display as a precious diamond for the world to see." WOW!  When I woke up, I asked God to help me to be patient and to help me as he began the smoothing of the rough edges. I knew that this would not be a very pleasant time, as pruning and sanding down edges can be a painful process.  And yes, it did get worse before it got better, but I can honestly say at that time, God began to change me on the inside. He began to show me a different way, and although it took me several years before I really could say that things were changing in me, I know that the changes that took place prepared me for the changes that took place in Curtis over the past 2 years.

Please hear my heart. I would never recommend to anyone to stay in a verbally abusive situation.  But in MY case, this is what the Father had me to do.  I am certainly glad that I obeyed even if it took years for me to see results on both my side and his.   Seeing this, I can truly say that Curtis was made like a living stone, that he was built into a spiritual house, a place where my children and I could find refuge and safety that we longed for.  It was because of his spiritual sacrifices, the sacrificing of his anger and bitterness, that he was raised up to be a priest of our home.

Please continue to pray for us, the pain is great at times. There are days when I am at a loss with the kids, and I am sure they feel that way about me as well. Pray for Curtis' family too. I know that they are grieving the loss of a brother and son.  Pray for my children that they will find their own way to grieve and that they won't be afraid to grieve.  In your praying though, pray that we will not become a slave to grief.  I need strength and wisdom.  Thank you all so very much.


1 comment:

  1. Hi Renae,

    Thank you for your courage to be so transparent. You have greatly blessed me. You may not remember me, but you and Curtis interpreted dreams for me in IMentorU. Today is my mother's birthday, she went home to be with the Lord last July. Your blog has been a great comfort to me. Thank you, Dianne