well, we have made it through Father's Day, Curtis' birthday, my birthday and the 4th of July. So many firsts without him in the past 6 weeks, but God's grace has been sufficient and here we are.
I want to thank all of you for your prayers and your support through all of this. For all the texts, the phone calls, the emails. Those of you who have insisted that I be real and allow the pain to be seen rather than it being pushed back down, to all of you I am grateful.
During the past 10 days, I have felt more of a stability. It has came in waves over the past 5 months, sometimes carrying me for a few days, sometimes just a few hours, but the stability is becoming more normal for me now. Of course there are still times when the pain becomes overwhelming and threatens to wipe me out. But over all, I feel the healing taking place.
I still find his bible study notes in unexpected places, and when I do, I am reminded of the great hunger that he had to know God's word, and to not only know it, but to experience it in his life. I can look through his bible and see the notes and the highlights, it brings peace to me. Even though Curtis had many struggles and fought hard, I know that He loved God and his family. I know that the word that he had hid in his heart carried him through the impossible days.
Healing is definitely a process. I can choose to not walk that path right now and just give in to the pain, or I can choose healing. I do choose healing and will continue to do so. it is a choice though, we have to make the choice every day. There are days where I have not chosen wisely, but I have to know that I can begin choosing healing with the next breath. For those of you who have experienced great loss in your life, I want to encourage you to choose life... choose healing... Allow God's stability and establishing to be a priority in your life. Grief - yes. It is healthy to grief. It is healthy to allow the pain to be released in ways that are safe. Grief is a raw emotion that has to be experienced. But let me remind you my friend, that you do not have to be a slave to grief. Choose wisely.
thank you again, you have been awesome to continue to read my blogs and encourage me in my walk. Keep praying for us. Pray for the kids.